K1Bond007.com » It's Not Funny

Let me tell you, there are a ton of terrible satire websites out there, and with the recent announcement that Bond 22 is Quantum of Solace it’s like they’ve all decided bring out their F material, though I question if they have any A material. But before I get to that, I came across this Bond-related entry over at NewsBiscuit.

British secret agent James Bond is reported to be ‘privately a little disappointed’ that official recognition of his services to his country apparently amounts to only to an MBE.

Okay on the surface this is a decent premise, however, what really kills it for me is the fact that James Bond never wants recognition for his services to his country. This is sad – no no, for me. It’s one of those jokes that a fan can’t find all that funny because it doesn’t make sense in the universe in which the joke is being made. For this joke, the first thing I thought of when I read the headline was how in Ian Fleming’s The Man with the Golden Gun Bond turns down knighthood, though he does have a CMG.

“He had never been a public figure and he did not wish to become one. He had no prejudice against letters after one’s name, or before it. But there was one thing above all he treasured. His privacy. His anonymity. To become a public person, a person, in the snobbish world of England, of any country, who would be called upon to open things, lay foundation stones, make after-dinner speeches, brought the sweat to his armpits. ‘James Bond’! No middle name. No hyphen. A quiet, dull, anonymous name.” – The Man with the Golden Gun

Whatever, it’s a joke. …. Sort of. I suppose you can argue Film Bond v Literary Bond, but even the film incarnation enjoys a certain amount of anonymity. Anyway, ready for some really bad ones? Seriously, don’t even read these. They’re terrible.

New James Bond Film ‘A Quantity Of Shoelaces’ Set For December Release
Sean Connery to appear in new Bond film (Chubby Cauliflower – really? You guys are so clever.)
James Bond to have gay lover in new film
ABBA to reform to record James Bond theme tune
New James Bond Movie Title revealed (I don’t think these guys know Cubby Broccoli died in 1996)

And that’s all I’m going to link. These are atrocious. This one site, The Spoof, has published practically one a day. Stick to The Onion. At least they’re occasionally funny.